WARNING: The material you are about to read contains the ramblings of a completely random person, and an imaginative one at that, which combined are a dangerous concoction.
What is the point of a garden gnome?
Well, nobody really knows, except for some people (and woodland creatures). I am one of the enlightened few who have been privileged enough to get my hands on a secret booklet entitled BIONIC BEARDED FOREST FOLK. In this booklet, garden gnomes are revealed as the sentinel robots of an underground bunny society. Unknowing old ladies and gardening peeps (the kind who attend book clubs and knitting circles) buy these figurines, thinking they will spice up their spice garden, help their herb garden, venerate their vegetable garden, or make their flower garden flourish. But what they don’t know is: disguised as the garden gnome’s eyes are miniature cameras, used to scope out the best lettuce patches in the county. The gnomes send their findings back via private networking to the CLWHQ (Cute Little Wabbits Head Quarters), where hundreds of bunnies look at surveillance videos and find out where the tastiest spots are. Then—yes folks—the bunnies go and eat the lettuce.
Perhaps the reason people place garden gnomes in gardens is to scare away little woodland creatures. But in actuality, these manufactured men are built to keep little rabbit eyes on the best gardens in town, so the hoppy fiends can fill their fat, gluttonous stomachs!